Free Coffee

Every sense is being eroded away
by this stale atmosphere
until I become just another grey face
answering the phone
realising that I've achieved nothing
and never will.
They provide us with free coffee
which we're supposed to be grateful for
but all it does is heighten the despair.
The only way out of this place is up the corporate ladder
-- where you'll get to harvest fresh souls --
or suicide.
These thoughts make me feel masochistic
so I grab a free coffee
it makes me want to shit.
I slip away to the toilet
it won't flush
I look at the bowl:
it says more than any yearly review
and I know it's time to knot the noose.

Damn Condition

This damn condition comes and goes
laying any foundations to my life is impossible
it renders me impotent to aspirations
forces me to live in the present
whilst running up a debt to the future.

I grab wildly at scraps of happiness
with no thought for those it hurts
as long my ego can be massaged
it’s a few moments of relief
where I can hold my head high.

My neck aches from looking over my shoulder
not just at what’s coming
but what I’ve left in my wake
a self esteem in tatters
and a soul not far behind.

Only one thing keeps me going:
one day I held my Grandad’s war pistol to my temple
helped up there by a bottle of Blue Label Smirnoff
when I suddenly had an epiphany:
how uneventful would life be without misery?

Spilt Vodkas

Her fake tan is rubbing off onto my jeans
helped on its way by countless spilt vodkas
this is no lipstick on the collar
sadly it’s just friendship

she’s crying that she’ll never be loved

that her drinking will kill her

that she’s going crazy

no different to any other girl on a Friday night
 
she’s already loved

but I’ll never make her spill vodkas

and that’s the drama she craves

all I can do is put my shot glass next to hers

rejection on a daily basis
even unsaid
is enough to kill a man’s soul

I tell her I have to go

she seems distressed

but it’s not borne from any longing desire

which is why I HAVE to go

and scrub the St Tropez from my denim.

The Cat's Eyes

There’s a dead cat outside
slowly decaying in the scorching heat
a crow flies down and examines it
begins pecking at its lifeless eyes
I’m watching all this from my office
surrounded by needless stress
at the mercy of broken air conditioning
how I wish I were that cat.

Cornered by Ambition

My grip on ambition is slowly loosening

each passing day is relentless toil

all the trappings are out of reach

the procrastination of my youth shames me

my current destination appalls me.

No more irons in the fire

reticent from being burnt in the past

by my own laziness.

Blame the world

from behind my directionless life

heading towards a forgetful oblivion.

A strong man wants to be remembered

by making his mark

so he’ll be talked about in years to come

like all my heroes

but only one in a million is a hero

leaving many thousands of cowards.

Maybe I can write my way out of this

avoid this faceless future

leave my mark

get the respect I crave from those I despise

or just give up

and await retirement.

Recluse

I spent a period of my life as a recluse

consumed by a sadistic self hatred

I couldn’t see the point in going out

society didn’t want me blotting it’s landscape

my parents became very angry

a mask for sympathy or shame?

probably both.

their beloved son not reaping the rewards

that a twenty one year old should be.

every parent wants their child to be happy

free

and fucking 

I had every cliché going.

terrible poetry

although some might say that hasn’t changed.

lost all interest in sex

which kills a man’s purpose.

wished death upon myself every night

obviously, it never came.

I pestered doctors for help

they could offer me nothing

I had to rely on my own determination

something which had brought me little before

this time it was serious though

and it paid off

a man losing his freedom is a real tragedy

finding it again is beautiful

lines drawn are erased

new ones put down

women return

life blooms.

Local Rag

I flick through the local rag

there’s no news for me

but they’re not likely to feature strippers

so I shouldn’t complain.

I reach the dreaded jobs section

sales sales sales

admin admin admin

heartbreak heartbreak heartbreak

where are the jobs for me?

executive fine wine taster

professional lounger

fully qualified ogler

who dreams of anything else?

who wants to be ground down every day?

a good drive would probably help

I look at the sports pages

the men in there have drives

they may not be in the big leagues

but the sports kids always got the girls

I throw the paper down in disgust

this town will be the death of me.